The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

“Jesus thinks I’m Cool”, the Uppity Bastard knows better.

from the Amazon page:

Product Description

Focus on biblical truths that free people to express their true personalities.

Be strong to stand up to the constant lies from Satan regarding inferiority, lack of self-acceptance and peer pressure.

Become the unique and beautifully designed person God has created to reflect Jesus Christ to the world.

Thirteen weeks of challenging and inspiring readings encourage young people to apply the power of their faith and value in Christ to the issues facing them at school, at work, with friends and family.

 

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October 29, 2008 Posted by | great ideas, random shite | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

AVN AWARDS LAST NIGHT- HILARIOUS

[writer’s note: this is suitable for work, no links show nudity, just poor taste. but hey, its uppity, what do you expect.]

For those of you not lucky enough to have showtime, last night was the Adult Video Network Award show, or as we call it here at UppityBastard the whore awards. That’s right, the best of the best fake Breasts and enormous Peni (I think thats the plural) met in Las Vegas to mutually masturbate (off camera) and pretend they work in a legit industry. [I’m not saying porn isn’t a legit industry, but having an award show for sex acts is like having the 2008 Janitor of the Year awards, except janitors don’t have to use their mouths.] Only the porn industry could have such great categories as

BEST MILF SERIES [WINNER: MOMMA KNOWS BEST],

BEST ETHNIC THEMED RELEASE, LATIN [BIG LATIN WET BUTTS 5],

BEST FEM-DOM STRAP-ON RELEASE [BABES BALLIN BOYS 17],

and at the same time have awards for…

BEST ACTRESS [PENNY FLAME],

BEST ART DIRECTOR [THE CRAVING], and

BEST VIDEO EDITING [FASHIONISTAS SAFADO: BERLIN] .

…and only in Vegas can an acceptance speech include the words, “He made me cum so hard.” (Tori Lane, or some other porn star, I don’t really look at their faces.)

OTHER HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE [yes, suitable for work]:
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October 2, 2008 Posted by | news, random shite | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

SFW (safe for work) XXX (naked time)

I posted some pics like this a long time ago.  This video is pretty awesome.

September 26, 2008 Posted by | great ideas, movies, random shite | , , , , | Leave a comment

Drunk guy has sex with parked car

Even I have never been drunk enough to attempt this.  Snow Cone machine maybe, automobile never. My preference would have been a European car anyway.  Maybe something like this:

September 16, 2008 Posted by | random shite | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

GUINNESS Commercial you wont see in the USA

AWESOME AND IN BAD TASTE…I’m happy.

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August 15, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

PRESIDENT BUSH wants you to hate sex

really? no pill? I hate you.

August 3, 2008 Posted by | news | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Porn for the Blind!?

There is now a website that allows blind people to have access to the glorious imagery of today’s porn websites and movies… Continue reading

August 1, 2008 Posted by | great ideas, news, random shite | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Musician’s Legal Roundup

In honor of myself becoming TurtleDog Esq., here is Wednesday’s collection of rappers and singers getting in and out of legal troubles.

DMX was arrested for speeding, reckless driving, and driving on a suspended license: Rapper DMX informed people today that contrary to popular belief, he is not dead.  X was giving his 1966 Chevy Nova some gas on an Arizona highway when he was clocked at 114 mph in a 65 zone.  The funniest part about this story is a toss up between someone deciding DMX getting a speeding ticket is even news nowadays, or his real name; Earl Simmons. – “Earl Simmons gonna give it you, gonna give it you ya, ruff!”

Amy Winehouse was arrested for drug possession: This story is filed in the same folder with other headliners like; “Sky reported to be blue,” “the ocean: full of water,” and “Turtledog named most handsome devil on the planet.”  But really this story would be way more interesting and ground breaking if it turned out Amy Winehouse was NOT on drugs.

R. Kelly trial to start….almost:  The R. Kelly trial relating to alleged sexual encounters that allegedly involved 13 year old girls and a 32 year old Kelly, which allegedly may or may not involve him peeing on them and video taping it, was set to begin jury selection.  But then it got delayed again surprising no one involved with the case, but surprising the rest of the world that this story actually still existed.  This case has been caught in the court system for so long that the young girls involved with it now have kids of their own that R. Kelly is peeing on and having sex with….allegedly of course.

May 8, 2008 Posted by | Music, news | , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment