The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

GUIDOS!!

The dudes are retards and the girls are whores….sounds like the real world, MTV that is. REALITY TV HERE WE COME.

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August 8, 2008 Posted by | tv | , , , , , | Leave a comment

I hate everything about this story

I personally think that the MTV show “The Hills” is the end all be all worst show on television. I hate “The Hills” the way Jewish people hate Hitler or black people hate the KKK. It represents everything that is wrong with TV, everything that is wrong with L.A., and I’m pretty sure that there are studies that show if you watch it you instantly become 5% less intelligent with each viewing. (By studies I mean I made that up, but I’m wearing a white lab coat and glasses so it’s pretty much scientific fact.)

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MTV used to be a great channel like 2 decades ago, but now they just churn out crappy show after crappy show. I think that MTV has a direct hand in the amount of 13 year olds that dress like hookers and are doing blow before their Junior prom. My main question that I must pose to its legions of loyal fans [sic] retards, is DON’T YOU KNOW IT IS ALL FAKE? Every single thing is scripted and the people on it are the producers’ puppets.

Producer 1: “Okay Heidi, now talk on your cell phone and drink a latte and bitch about how much Lauren is your nemesis, and how your life is so much better now that you have fake tits.”

Producer 2: “Okay (insert name of someone on the show because I don’t know any one besides the two that I just used), I want you to talk on your cell phone, slowly sip on your latte and bitch about how much you like some guy who is probably a homosexual even though you know you shouldn’t because he will only break your heart again.” (figuratively because you don’t actually date him because everything on this show is made the fuck up.)

See, I hate this show so fucking much that I have gotten completely off track about what I was going to complain about. Back on point: that ass clown Spencer who dates that stupid surgically enhanced dumb bitch Heidi has reached a deal with some magazine called “Radar” to write an advice column entitled “Yo Spencer.” In all reality, this is probably not an issue because any magazine that 1. employs Spencer to write advice for them will most likely not be in existence through the weekend, and 2. if you have editors who actually think the title “Yo Spencer” is good for a column that mag will definitely not last through the end of the day. But I still cannot let something this asinine and unacceptable occur without at least bitching about it in the only public forum that I have. Seriously what the fuck is this guy qualified to give advice about? I’m pretty sure how to be the biggest douchebag on the planet is about the extent of his “expertise.”

This guy is the fucking worst, if I ran him over with my car I think the police would probably give me a ticket for not going fast enough.

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“Yo Spencer, I need some advice on how to be a complete and utter waste of life, I’m pretty sure that you are my guy.”

March 14, 2008 Posted by | rants, tv | , , , , , , | Leave a comment

“I’m going to Baby-Sit your vagina”

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The new season of Human Giant, the MTv sketch comedy show, is premiering on March 11th. Although in most instances MTv makes me want to hit myself in the head with my own shoe, I have seen many episodes of this show from last season and it is actually quite hilarious [it also gets points for having a Death From Above 1979 song as its theme-music. Rawk.]. Either way, here is a sneak preview of a skit from the new season, starring the show’s cast [Aziz Ansari, Rob Huebel and Paul Scheer] and Will Arnett, of Arrested Development fame, among other things. I really don’t how they are going to be able to broadcast this on basic cable, but I am grateful. NSFW.

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Sorry Mom.

March 6, 2008 Posted by | NSFW, tv | , , , , , , | Leave a comment