The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

Why to buy a Wii Fit for your girlfriend




May 28, 2008 Posted by | random shite, sports | , , | 1 Comment

well played, John Mayer

this guy dates every hot woman in Hollywood, then starts covering himself in tattoos, now does something that is genuinely funny?  I actually respect John mayer now.

This almost makes up for my college girlfriend playing his terrible music all the time.  Wait, that might have been Jack Johnson…either way, whenever I hear his music I at first get an erection and then start crying.

May 8, 2008 Posted by | Music, random shite | , , , , , | Leave a comment

he better at least have a pool….

I’m not entirely sure if this is funny, extremely depressing, pathetic, or just plain old creepy…So some guy who’s girlfriend up and left him (I can’t imagine why with normal ideas like this) is in the market for a new roommate.  You don’t have to pay rent, pay bills, or pretty much contribute to the upkeep of the place at all.  But there is a catch – You have to be this guy’s pseudo-girlfriend.  From what I gather from his craigslist ad, you would be required to sleep with him (in both the biblical and non-biblical way I presume), and just sort of be his pity party companion.  Anyway, here is the ad in its full text.  For my dear readers I have made sure to include his email address in case anyone is interested in his “Indecent Proposal.”

” Girls. So, I have a really great apartment in Santa Monica. It’s
really nice, very close to the beach and all that jazz. The deal would be for you to be my girlfriend (we don’t have to be exclusive, I just want the good parts) in exchange for rent and bills and food and gifts. I know this sounds weird, but here’s the situation:

The truth is, my live-in girlfriend (who was my whole life) left me a
while ago, and I miss her terribly, so I am too screwed up to get into
a real relationship right now, but I miss the companionship and,
frankly, the sex. I was going to rent out the other room, but I
thought, hey, I need those other things more than money, I should see
what the response is. I don’t mean to offend anyone, truly. I am just
lonely. I suppose you would call it “pathetic.” And you are probably

-Matt (”

Well Matt Hilton from Santa Monica, California you are right, most people probably think you are pathetic, or the world’s greatest visionary, but most likely the sentiment will be that you are pathetic.  But hey, maybe you will have found some loophole to the prostitution laws of this country and will come out the big winner.  Got my fingers crossed for you buddy.

(Shout out to Steph for forwarding this ridiculous ad, thanks chica.)

March 17, 2008 Posted by | random shite | , , , , , | 1 Comment