In honor of myself becoming TurtleDog Esq., here is Wednesday’s collection of rappers and singers getting in and out of legal troubles.
DMX was arrested for speeding, reckless driving, and driving on a suspended license: Rapper DMX informed people today that contrary to popular belief, he is not dead. X was giving his 1966 Chevy Nova some gas on an Arizona highway when he was clocked at 114 mph in a 65 zone. The funniest part about this story is a toss up between someone deciding DMX getting a speeding ticket is even news nowadays, or his real name; Earl Simmons. – “Earl Simmons gonna give it you, gonna give it you ya, ruff!”
Amy Winehouse was arrested for drug possession: This story is filed in the same folder with other headliners like; “Sky reported to be blue,” “the ocean: full of water,” and “Turtledog named most handsome devil on the planet.” But really this story would be way more interesting and ground breaking if it turned out Amy Winehouse was NOT on drugs.
R. Kelly trial to start….almost: The R. Kelly trial relating to alleged sexual encounters that allegedly involved 13 year old girls and a 32 year old Kelly, which allegedly may or may not involve him peeing on them and video taping it, was set to begin jury selection. But then it got delayed again surprising no one involved with the case, but surprising the rest of the world that this story actually still existed. This case has been caught in the court system for so long that the young girls involved with it now have kids of their own that R. Kelly is peeing on and having sex with….allegedly of course.
Chris Andersen, the New Orleans Hornets forward known as the “Birdman”, (not to be confused with this Birdman from New Orleans
or even this Birdman)
has officially been reinstated in the NBA by commissioner David Stern.
Andersen was suspended from the NBA in January of 2006 for violating the league’s drug policy and is expected to re-sign with the Hornets to play this season. Wow, tough gig, get suspended for drugs and come back to get paid a few million to play basketball. He wasn’t even suspended for those lame ass performance enhancing drugs that baseball is concerned with, but instead the fun drugs that rockstars do. Although Andersen has never publicly admitted to what he tested positive for, the drugs on the banned list include; methamphetamine, cocaine, LSD, opiates (including heroin, codeine and morphine), and PCP. From the look of him, it was probably some combination of ALL OF THEM, but I guess we will just have to speculate.