The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

AVN AWARDS LAST NIGHT- HILARIOUS

[writer’s note: this is suitable for work, no links show nudity, just poor taste. but hey, its uppity, what do you expect.]

For those of you not lucky enough to have showtime, last night was the Adult Video Network Award show, or as we call it here at UppityBastard the whore awards. That’s right, the best of the best fake Breasts and enormous Peni (I think thats the plural) met in Las Vegas to mutually masturbate (off camera) and pretend they work in a legit industry. [I’m not saying porn isn’t a legit industry, but having an award show for sex acts is like having the 2008 Janitor of the Year awards, except janitors don’t have to use their mouths.] Only the porn industry could have such great categories as

BEST MILF SERIES [WINNER: MOMMA KNOWS BEST],

BEST ETHNIC THEMED RELEASE, LATIN [BIG LATIN WET BUTTS 5],

BEST FEM-DOM STRAP-ON RELEASE [BABES BALLIN BOYS 17],

and at the same time have awards for…

BEST ACTRESS [PENNY FLAME],

BEST ART DIRECTOR [THE CRAVING], and

BEST VIDEO EDITING [FASHIONISTAS SAFADO: BERLIN] .

…and only in Vegas can an acceptance speech include the words, “He made me cum so hard.” (Tori Lane, or some other porn star, I don’t really look at their faces.)

OTHER HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE [yes, suitable for work]:
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October 2, 2008 Posted by | news, random shite | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

Porn for the Blind!?

There is now a website that allows blind people to have access to the glorious imagery of today’s porn websites and movies… Continue reading

August 1, 2008 Posted by | great ideas, news, random shite | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

this is one hell of a deal

breast augmentation spells.

I think this is a great idea.  I recently found something similar online that dealt with testicle size.  Nothing has changed yet but I already threw out all my old underwear and ordered myself a new bike-seat.  Best $300 I ever spent.

July 25, 2008 Posted by | great ideas, random shite | , , , , , , | Leave a comment