The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

Glenn Beck and the Art of Throat Singing

His lips are wrapped tightly around my rock hard cock.  His gullet shaking as he violently bobs his head up and down, a mess of broken rhythm and uncoordinated body movements.  But his heart was in it and with any luck, I’d soon reach climax. I can feel it, that deep, building explosion. But it’s not in my loins, its further north, in my bowels and things might just turn ugly.
Now I’m no fag but who am I to turn down a blowjob.  Especially after Limbaugh and Billy O.R. gave the kid such high rating.  And it was easy; all it took was a half a shot of peach schnapps in his diet Snapple. An hour later he had regressed to his pre-born-again-self, and was out back behind his LDS church on Capital street trading BJs for cans of Coors light and half pills of Adderall. And while I was disappointed I’d have to wait my turn, third in line is always better than sixteenth.
Around minute nine, Glenn hit his stride. The man had clearly been trained well; he was indeed, a professional cocksucker. Perhaps his days at the liberal Yale University had been a bit more experimental then he’d admitted or maybe he had taken to the priesthood.  Either way, I was about to blow. And the faster I read from Thomas Paine’s The Age of Reason, the faster he strokes my shaft. He even tries to stick a finger in my ass, but I smack his hand away. That would just be gay.
Then suddenly, I remember my favorite line from the communist manifesto, “The people will rise, and explode on the bourgeoisie with such ferocity, that the very ground will shake.” And with that, my $6.99 Olive Garden special could no longer be contained, I let my sphincter loose, and took a shit all over Glen Beck’s chest.
The people in line behind me froze; some ran away, some violently vomited. Most men would have gotten angry, or scared or even sad, but not Glenn, he wasn’t fazed. Through the smell and stains, he looks up at me, smiles, and politely asks, “Shall I continue?”
I smile and nod yes. And that’s when I knew he was ready to work at Fox News.

Sincerely,
Rupert Murdoch

This piece was written by Daniel Shepard. While it is currently listed as fiction, we are still examining the facts and are yet to prove it did not happen.

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December 14, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

TOP 5 SPORTS GAME CLASSICS – part 1

So, I’ve been playing a lot of Madden lately and getting my ass kicked. I miss the days when sports was pass/steal or shoot/block. Now, with 6+ buttons and pressure sensitive controls, video games are more complex then ever. Playing them can be hard, demanding, confusing. YOu don’t just need an in depth knowledge of the game, but the dexterity of a gymnast and the hand eye co-ordination of a surgeon. SO I give you 5 classic sports video games as basic and fun as it gets.

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February 3, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

CHRISTIAN BALE BLOW UP

Now, as someone who works in TV, I have to say I’ve seen a few actors loose there shit before.  It’s never pretty but sometimes it happens, they have a job that required focus and a crew of 60+ people can get in the way.  Film production works like this: rehearse, block, light, tweak, shoot.  Again and again until the scenes are done for the day, week, month.  During a rehearsal, the only people who really NEED to be on set are the actors and director.  Then during blocking all department heads come see what needs to be done to have the scene ready.  So while an outburst isn’t cool, this may have been justified, we just don’t know the details of the situation.  Either way, it’s always hilarious.  Especially, when remixed:

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February 3, 2009 Posted by | movies | , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

HANGOVER…the cure

ahhhhhh, all better.

January 2, 2009 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

Coolest Scene Ever

So, I’ve gotten really into the Wire recently.  I think its one of the best written shows I’ve ever seen, maybe even better than The Sopranos (although Mad Men is really close). So here’s a great example; it’s visual story telling, well paced, funny, and tells us all about the characters….and it only uses the word “fuck” (the best word ever).

screw CSI, they can’t detect shit.

October 16, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Tears for Fears video REDUX

You might know it as the song you hear in Donnie Darko, but back in the 80’s there was this big band called Tears for Fears that was pretty cool, kinda cheesy but everything was then anyway. (By the way, NEVER EVER WATCH Richard Kelly’s other movie SOUTHLAND TALES, its the worst piece ever.)  Here’s the original video, then watch the redux;

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October 16, 2008 Posted by | Music | , , , , | 2 Comments

Craigslist is Ridiculous.

So I was wasting time today and here’s some stuff i found ala craigslist.

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October 13, 2008 Posted by | random shite, Uncategorized | , , | Leave a comment

I’m not a genius but Saturday Night Live might be wrong…

What’s wrong with this picture? and no, it’s not allowing a pregnant woman on tv…
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October 10, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment

HEAD TRAUMA and 10 things to do with it

find out how

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October 8, 2008 Posted by | random shite | , , , , , | 3 Comments

shepshepard’s thai noodle soup recipe

So, now that I have returned from thailand I now have major noodle soup withdrawals. For those of you unfamiliar with noodle soup, its a delicious, spicy, basic, cheap dish available on street corners all over Thailand. Commonly eaten at breakfast, its a great hangover cure. Here’s my own little version.

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October 5, 2008 Posted by | great ideas, Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | 1 Comment