The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

TURBACONDUCKEN!

bacon_turducken_pre

These geniuses at bacontoday.com (WHY WAS I NOT INFORMED THAT BACON HAD IT’S OWN WEBSITE?!) have constructed a Turducken (chicken-inside-a-duck-inside-a-turkey) covered in bacon.  Not just on the outside either.  The individual pieces of Chicken and duck inside the 15lb Turkey are wrapped as well.  Click the bacontoday link above for the story and some awesome pictures.  In other news, for dinner tonight I am making a Pastrami sandwich stuffed with tacos stuffed with Ramen noodles.  I am Top Chef.

*bonus Bacon-related picture:

bacon_beats_fries_election

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November 22, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Canadian Boy Bands. No, Thank You.

November 21, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , | 2 Comments

John Hodgman is hilarious

I got this from McSweeneys.  It’s a bit long but it’s worth the read.

FIRE:
THE NEXT
SHARP STICK?

A Conversation
Among Cavemen.

BY JOHN HODGMAN

– – – –

Setting: The offices of Ten Men Who Help Each Other But Are Not Brothers, a firm located near the River That’s Not as Wide as the Really Wide River.

(ONE WHO HELPS THE HAIRY ONE is seated, going over some notes. Enter MAKER OF FIRE.)

ONE: (Standing.) Hey, it’s good to see you. Thanks for coming by.

MAKER: Thank you, One Who Helps the Hairy One. I’m sorry I’m late. Somehow I ended up by the Really Wide River.

ONE: Really? When we met by the Sticky Tree, I thought I said near the River That’s Not as Wide as the Really Wide River.

MAKER: That is what you said. I must have gotten turned around at the Sharp Shells.

ONE: Oh, yeah. That happens a lot.

MAKER: I must have just spaced.

Continue reading

November 16, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | Leave a comment

RBI Baseball: Bunt Homerun

this just made me really happy.

I dare you to suggest another old school Nintendo game that was this simple yet this awesome.

November 13, 2008 Posted by | random shite | , , , | 2 Comments

nooooooooo thank you

November 11, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

what the hell was that

November 9, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

holy shit dude

November 7, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , | Leave a comment

Fifty years of Popular Songs Condensed into Single Sentences

by Marc Haines

[from McSweeneys]

The Beatles, “I Want to Hold Your Hand”

I want to do it with you.

– – – –

Marvin Gaye, “Let’s Get It On”

I want to do it with you.

– – – –

Led Zeppelin, “Whole Lotta Love”

I want to do it with you.

– – – –

James Blunt, “You’re Beautiful”

I want to do it with you.

– – – –

Sir Mix-a-Lot, “Baby Got Back”

I want to do it.

– – – –

Elvis Presley, “Hound Dog”

You’re doing it with everyone.

– – – –

R. Kelly, “I Believe I Can Fly”

I believe I want to do it with you.

– – – –

Patsy Cline, “Crazy”

I want to do it with you so much I’m going fucking nuts.

– – – –

Frank Sinatra, “Strangers in the Night”

I’m drunk and I want to do it with you.

– – – –

The White Stripes, “My Doorbell”

Using metaphor, I want to do it with you.

– – – –

Little Richard, “Good Golly Miss Molly”

I’m doing it with Miss Molly, and she’s totally into it.

– – – –

Duran Duran, “Rio”

I’d love to do that chick dancing on the sand.

– – – –

The Beatles, “Why Don’t We Do It in the Road?”

I’d like to do it with you right now.

– – – –

Carly Simon, “You’re So Vain”

We used to do it, but then you did it with someone else, and now I’m not going to do it with you, although I wish we were still doing it.

– – – –

Pulp, “Common People”

I once met a stuck-up European who wanted to do it with me.

– – – –

Radiohead, “Creep”

I’m filled with self-loathing, and, though outwardly I hate everything you represent, I want to do it with you.

– – – –

Kate Bush, “Wuthering Heights”

I’m an 18th-century fictional character and I want to do it with another 18th-century fictional character.

– – – –

Bob Dylan, “Blowin’ in the Wind”

The Man is currently doing it to you.

– – – –

Elvis Presley, “Jailhouse Rock”

Incarcerated men will on occasion do it with each other.

– – – –

Meat Loaf, “I Would Do Anything for Love (But I Won’t Do That)”

Hey! You won’t believe what this one chick said while I was doing it with her!

– – – –

Kings of Leon, “Sex on Fire”

I did it with you, and now it hurts when I pee.

– – – –

Céline Dion, “My Heart Will Go On”

Even your death has not stopped me wanting to do it with you.

– – – –

AC/DC, “You Shook Me All Night Long”

We did it yesterday.

November 7, 2008 Posted by | Uncategorized | , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Of Montreal covers “Day Man” from It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia

Of Montreal is currently one of my favorite bands.  In this short clip they cover Electric Dream Machine’s glorious “Day Man” from the IASiP episode “Sweet Dee dates a Retarded Person.”

November 6, 2008 Posted by | Music, random shite | , , , , , , | 1 Comment