AVN AWARDS LAST NIGHT- HILARIOUS
[writer’s note: this is suitable for work, no links show nudity, just poor taste. but hey, its uppity, what do you expect.]
For those of you not lucky enough to have showtime, last night was the Adult Video Network Award show, or as we call it here at UppityBastard the whore awards. That’s right, the best of the best fake Breasts and enormous Peni (I think thats the plural) met in Las Vegas to mutually masturbate (off camera) and pretend they work in a legit industry. [I’m not saying porn isn’t a legit industry, but having an award show for sex acts is like having the 2008 Janitor of the Year awards, except janitors don’t have to use their mouths.] Only the porn industry could have such great categories as
BEST MILF SERIES [WINNER: MOMMA KNOWS BEST],
BEST ETHNIC THEMED RELEASE, LATIN [BIG LATIN WET BUTTS 5],
BEST FEM-DOM STRAP-ON RELEASE [BABES BALLIN BOYS 17],
and at the same time have awards for…
BEST ACTRESS [PENNY FLAME],
BEST ART DIRECTOR [THE CRAVING], and
BEST VIDEO EDITING [FASHIONISTAS SAFADO: BERLIN] .
…and only in Vegas can an acceptance speech include the words, “He made me cum so hard.” (Tori Lane, or some other porn star, I don’t really look at their faces.)
OTHER HIGHLIGHTS INCLUDE [yes, suitable for work]:
– She used to be hot, but now Jenna Jameson looks like Joan Rivers (look at that image at your own risk, I’m definitely going to have nightmares tonight). Plastic faces are gross (one more pic of when she was hot, and a good movie), sorry. Anyway, Jenna made a big announcement [don’t worry, no nudity]:
Seriously? Why would you get all high and mighty now? Oh, I get it, time to abuse other people.
– The single best part of the entire event was the intro to the female performer of the year award. Here’s the video clip of each girl telling how much she loves her job and yada, yada, yada, boob:
But Jenna Haze said it best [turn the volume down if at work]:
The winner was Sasha Grey.
Most of all, thank you to the creepy guy who video taped it from his seat so I could share it with all of you.
1 Comment »