The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

Best Name in Baseball

The San Francisco Giants currently have on their roster a pitcher named Merkin Valdez.  For those of you who do not know why this is an utterly hilarious name I recommend clicking on this link…in all reality reading what wikipedia says about merkins (or is it merki?) pretty much writes my jokes for me.  But in the interest of putting out a good product I will indulge those of you who do not want to do any further research.

For lack of any better definition, a Merkin is a pubic wig.  It was originally worn by prostitutes after shaving their happy place so as to eliminate the chance to get pubic lice.  Wait it gets even grosser….or they would wear it to hide the tell tale signs of syphilis that could scare away their customers.  Well at least those customers that were not interested in contracting an STD that was capable of causing insanity.  I’m sure some people were into that that, people like weird shit, or so I have heard.  I mean every prostitute I have ever been with has told me that shaving goats is a normal part of  their foreplay and I’m totally normal….but I digress.

That is pretty much all I have to say about good old Merkin here.  I bet in his home town in the Dominican Republic “Merkin” means something much more noble, like vagina hat, but with the info I’m working with this name is funny because I’m immature.   I’m sure that he will have a long and successful baseball career along the lines of other famous pitchers with, um, interesting names like Buttplug Thomason and Dildo Van Greten.  But seriously, what a ridiculous name.  (Thanks Jason for the heads up)


April 17, 2008 - Posted by | random shite, sports | , , , ,

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