The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

I’m back

What’s up all? Sorry for my scarcity, but you know what happens when you get going on a really good heroin binge, you can lose all track of days or times. That goddamn dragon, just always seems to be a bit out of reach….but seriously, I was out of town and then I was feeling uninspired. But good news for all, I am back with some shit to get off my chest and I’m feeling a little bit angry.

First off: How long does it take to type a sentence? 2 seconds? Maybe 3 if you are a slow typer. I propose this question because the other day I responded to someone’s craigs list posting about buying the goods that were for sale. I did not write a long response, a simple “I’m interested, is it still for sale, if so lets work something out, please get back to me.” Simple enough right? Apparently I was dealing with the absolute busiest jackass on craigslist because he wrote back a one word response. “sold” That’s it. No capitalization, no punctuation, not even a fucking noun. There was absolutely no clarification in this email whatsoever. He didn’t even leave anything in the subject line to let me know that this was about craigslist. The only way I knew was my original email was attached to the bottom. I guess he means that the item in question has already been sold, but how do I know. Maybe he was making a statement, like an auctioneer or something and I really was going to get it, “45 dollars…Sold!” Which brings me back to my question; how long does it take to TYPE a sentence comprised of, “sorry, it has been sold.” I don’t even need the sorry, just three words of context would have gotten this guys point across. Luckily he left me his work phone number so I will start calling him every hour on the hour and then just saying one word with no context…”hello this is stupid guy at his stupid work”, Me: “broccoli.” then I hang up. That will teach him to fuck with my instantaneous understanding of things. (told you I was angry today.)

Second Off: Everyone who has a nicer car than me…Fuck you. Considering I live in Los Angeles, that comprises pretty much every single person except for day laborers and homeless people. I just got my car serviced last week and now it is making really weird, loud noises. This angers me because I just got the stupid thing fixed and now it sounds broken. So either I got it fixed at a very inopportune time (right before it wanted to break), or the car dealership broke it. I prefer to think they broke it, because that allows me to maintain complete innocence in all that I do. I tried to fix it by hitting it repeatedly with a hammer, but that just seemed to aggravate things further. Fuck my car. If the stupid valet from Friday night who offered to buy it from me reads this (I still have no idea why you liked it so much); in the words of that asshole from craigs list – sold


April 2, 2008 - Posted by | rants | , , , , , ,

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