The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

but at least now he gets cinemax

I just love the Midwestern United States, if for nothing else, they keep giving me ridiculous news stories to make fun of. Their staggering intelligence levels simply know no bounds. Like Ronald Long of Deepwater, Missouri who abandoned conventional installation means and opted for help from his two friends Smith and Wessun to DRILL A HOLE IN A WALL.

Ronald’s wife Patsy died after being shot in the chest with one of the two .22 caliber handgun bullets he had fired from inside his house while trying to install a satellite TV system. Old Ronnie boy opted to use his gun to aid in his installation after “several unsuccessful efforts to punch a hole through the exterior wall using other means.” The report does not say what the other means were, but my guess is maybe he tried to use his head, possible the dog, a cucumber, apparently all other means except a fucking drill.

As of right now the prosecutor does not know whether to file any manslaughter charges against this Handgun Handyman yet. I can’t even imagine the thought process that one goes through to arrive at this course of action. “Hmm, I can’t seem to get this hole right, I know, I’ll fire two bullets through it without paying any attention to what is on the other side of the wall, surely that will have zero possible negative outcomes.” I don’t care what the Bill of Rights says, why do we allow people to own guns? This is like “the Simpson’s” episode where Homer joins a gun club and uses his gun to open beers and fix things around the house…except if he had killed Marge in the process. Come to think of it, that doesn’t make a very funny episode at all.

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March 25, 2008 - Posted by | news, random shite | , , , ,

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