The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

cripple fight…kind of

Why don’t douchebags who do something stupid at a bar just apologize and leave it at that? Last night I was out at a bar with some friends drinking and having a good time. I had left my sweatshirt on a table near one of the dart boards as I had been playing darts earlier. After we had finished our game I left my sweatshirt there and planned on picking it up before I left. Then out of the corner of my eye I see some jackass who is now playing darts pick up my sweatshirt and try to erase the chalkboard with it, ignoring the ERASER that is sitting on the board. So I get pissed and I yell at this guy to not do that, and I ask him what the fuck he was thinking. Instead of just saying “sorry, I made a mistake, didn’t mean to do that.” He has the audacity to say “I thought it was a rag.”

Now I’m fucking pissed and I let him know with a very clever and obscenity laced tongue lashing that left him feeling very emasculated and small (so I assume). But what amused me was that it was just this one guy and his friend trying to defend his assholeyness to me and my 4 friends. Simple numbers suggest that we had the advantage. But even so I am practically a ninja and I wouldn’t have needed any help anyway, my arms really are pythons, that surgery was quite painful. But I digress….

Not only did this guy only have one friend with him, he had one friend with only one arm. So by my math, this fight was shaping up to be 5 versus 2 OR 10 arms versus 3 if you are keeping track at home. I wish that guy would have laid a flipper er a finger (nope doesn’t have those either), ummmm, a nub on me…I would have laid his ass out cause I’m gangsta like that. So the unexciting conclusion of this little rant is that the security guard made “Team One and a Half Men” leave and then gave me a free drink. So I win. I always win, because being dangerously awesome beyond belief has its perks.

I guess the point of my rant is that if you are a fucking tool and you do something reflective of your fucking toolness then just apologize for it and be less of a douche. Or I will have to break that ass off, cripple or not, I can’t discriminate in handing down swift justice.



March 22, 2008 - Posted by | rants | , , , , ,

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