The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

I have heard of constipation but this is ridiculous

Okay, you can file this under completely bat shit insane, I am actually having a hard time even believing this story. Some woman in Kansas sat on her boyfriend’s toilet for 2 years straight!!!! According to the police report she had been there for so long that the skin on her ass had grown around the seat (I know, I’m getting gross mental images too.) I did not even know that this was possible. This is either the result of the worst case of constipation in history or the craziest woman on the planet. This chick turned into some sort of hybrid between toilet and woman. I know that sounds cool because both of those things separately are great, but together they may not be nearly as fun, actually I don’t think that either one would be very useful for anything. Unless you are into some weird shizer porn or something, and if that is the case this woman is your Venus.

Here is the kicker; this woman not only was in there on her own accord, her boyfriend did nothing about it. Everyday he would bring her food and water and ask her to come out of the bathroom, but she was just too damn comfortable…or crazy, it was actually probably the crazy that kept her there. Finally he called the police. The brilliant law enforcement agents, however, neglected to find out why he waited so long to call them. God bless Kansas.

When the woman was questioned about why she wouldn’t leave the bathroom, she said that she wanted to get some reading done and where else could she plow through the complete works of Shakespeare. She then added, never EVER order the chili cheese fries from Carl’s Jr. I wish this story had broken sooner, I tried those fries and was in and out of the bathroom five times in an hour, this woman must have been on to something, I would have been better off just staying put. carls.jpg

(Shout out to Lori for sending me this ridiculous story, thanks babe!)

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March 13, 2008 - Posted by | news, random shite | , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. […] bathroom, constipation, crazy, criminal charges, insane, Kansas, toilet, update Last week I mentioned this woman who decided the toilet was more comfortable than any other room in …. This week the authorities in Kansas continue to demonstrate why Kansas is the only state who […]

    Pingback by update - yeah this seems reasonable « The Uppity Bastard | March 21, 2008 | Reply


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