The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

69 year olds love to get stoned, police oppose this

What’s up peeps, your old friend turtledog has been out of town for a few days so posts have been sparse, but I’m back and ready to hook you up with more random, useless information.


I refrained from using a headline from the “Mary Ann – You Mean Mary Jane” camp because I figured I was smart enough to come up with something more clever.  But alas, I’m not that clever and you are stuck with my crappy headline.  Anyway, this story is too funny.   Dawn Wells, the actress who played that sexy girl next door Mary Ann on TV’s Gilligan’s Island was sentenced to five days in jail, fined $410.50 and placed on probation for getting caught with a little bit of that sticky icky.  I was entertained by this for a few reasons.  First off, the arrest occurred in Driggs, Idaho, which looks like the word “drugs” so just seems overly appropriate.  If only she got pulled over in Weed, California.  Second, this show was one of the most popular shows ever and one of its stars is only remotely relevant after a ridiculous minor drug charge in a state that only exists because we need an official home for potatoes.  Talk about falling out of the spotlight.  Third, the story itself is just funny.  Mary Ann opted for the very popular “hippie hitchhiker defense” when she was confronted about the funny smell coming from her car, alleging she picked up some hitchhikers who she promptly kicked out of her car as they started blazing up.  Lucky for the hitchhikers, Mary Ann had just kicked them out of the car for smoking pot and they were spared the wrath of Driggs, Idaho’s finest.  Unlucky for Mary Ann the hippies decided to leave the pot in her car.  Oops.  I’m not a lawyer, I only play one when I’m drunk, but even I know that a cop is not going to believe that a 69 year old woman would feel safe enough to pick up MULTIPLE hitchhikers on the middle of the Idaho freeway.  “Yeah, sure those wandering transients look safe, I will let them have a ride, but if they start doing drugs that is it they will be walking.”


Long story short, she fails her sobriety test, but really who cares what she was on, are we really concerned with the recreational marijuana use of senior citizens in this country?  I mean they are dying soon anyway, blaze that shit up and get irie.  Seriously, what the fuck.  Even in Idaho there has to be something that remotely resembles crime going on.  Why did people even like that show anyway, I mean the fucking Professor can make a cell phone out of a coconut, a kumquat and a banana peel but can’t fix a hole in the boat?  It’s a good thing we have such better TV nowadays, like the “Hills” and “Scott Baio is 96 and in Depends.”  I need a drink.  Or better yet I will just call Mary Ann on my coconut cell phone and see if she wants to get lifted.


March 13, 2008 - Posted by | news, random shite, tv | , , , , , , , ,

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