The Uppity Bastard

Smug Life

“The name’s Steve, but my dog calls me Satan.”

that headline actually has nothing to do with this post, it was a pickup line written by the guys over at Film Drunk, I just found it quite humorous (though not as much as [Motion girl over with index finger] “If I can make you come with one finger, imagine what I can do with a chainsaw and a sailor uniform.”) Anyway…

We all know that Hollywood is COMPLETELY out of ideas; a new awful Will Ferrel movie seems to come out every 3 months, as does a new movie based on some obscure comic book/graphic novel. Did you hear they are planning another “the Fast and the Furious” sequel? Seriously. The best part is the title: “4 Fast 4 Furious.” I’m not kidding. I also don’t really get why Paul Walker, Vin Diesel, and Michelle Rodriguez are all coming back for this fourth one after none of them wanted to be involved with F&F 3: Tokyo Drift (i. e. F&F starring D-List actor guy who was kinda funny as hick soldier in “Jarhead.”) Oh wait, neither Walker nor Diesel has done shit in the past two years, and Rodriguez probably has an awful lot of legal fees to deal with.

You know what? I can sympathize with Walker. I bet it’s difficult to pull ass on a Tuesday at Les Deux when your last major role was three years ago and it was the lead in “Into the Blue.” “Don’t my Abs look spectacular.” Yes they do, great, now please move because I’m trying to masturbate to Jessica Alba and you being in frame is distracting me.

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But I digress…

With all this garbage being thrust upon us in the theaters, here are a few ideas I am really hoping will not be Green-lit for production: (taken from CRACKED)

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I don’t see why they don’t just remake some of my favorite films from the seventies.  Guaranteed goldmine.

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March 8, 2008 - Posted by | gossip, movies, random shite | , , , , , , , , , , ,

1 Comment »

  1. Nice pics. Thanks for the link – though for future reference, we’ve only got one writer. So I suppose I just used the royal we.

    Comment by Lance From FilmDrunk | March 14, 2008 | Reply


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